Calm and Assertive

Recently I have started working with Nika on some dog training. Generally, she is a very well behaved dog. She is crate trained and house broken, she doesn't bark, chew things up or do anything destructive. However she pulls incessantly on the leash when we take her for walks, she gets overly excited when we come home and jumps a little and she gets in your space when you don't want her to. And for some reason whenever Mike and I hug or kiss, she runs over and jumps up so she can be a part of it or break it up, I am not sure which. She is either very sweet or a cock blocker.

I really wanted to work with her on the leash pulling though because she pulls so hard and sniffs everything and when she finds something she likes, there is no pulling her away unless you give the chain a big jerk. The walking just feels like a struggle and I get frustrated. This weekend we took her to Oakhurst for a hike and on the trail we passed a woman with a Border Collie that was not on a leash and the woman had that dog trained so well that he stopped, sat down and looked up at her while we passed. Nika pulled us along the entire time. Frankly it was humbling, why can't our dog do that??

I decided that Nika could be like that, she just needed some work and I needed to educate myself on how to do so I dug up a book by Cesar Millan, Dog Whisperer. I remember seeing him on Oprah or something awhile back, but his show is on National Geographic and I don't get that station so I looked the show up on Hulu and began my education.

I quickly discovered we were doing everything wrong. Millan's premise is that dogs are pack animals and you need to be the pack leader and if your dog doesn't know you are the pack leader, they will think they are. So when she barrels in the door first and knocks you over when you open the door to go out, you are not so much being a pack leader? The first thing I wanted to do though was take her for a walk without her pulling so I focused on that.

I put a backpack on her to get her used to it for when we go hiking but also because it makes her feel like she is working and serving a purpose. Your dog shouldn't be your pack leader but should feel like a valuable member of the team. She was fine with the backpack, but getting it on was another story. That dog does not want to stay standing when you are down at her level, she just flops right over and thinks you want to give her a belly rub. Mike wasn't there so I didn't have his help and I struggled for awhile, the whole time attempting to stay calm and assertive (the other premise of Millan's). I finally got it on and out the door we headed to get her leash on. I now make her sit and stay until I tell her she can come to enter and exit the house. This is a work in progress, she trembles with excitement so I have to everything very slowly to not rile her up. For the most part though, she listens.

I put the leash on and we started down the road and immediately, she is pulling me as hard as ever. What I learned from reading and watching Millan's show was that during a walk you should use a short leash and your dogs attention should be on you and not on any other noises or smells. If you have lost your dogs attention, you need to touch her or make a noise to get her attention back. So I held her leash short and as soon as she pulled, I used my foot and gently tapped her side where the bag was. This freaked her out a little but she looked at me right away and she was snapped out of that spell she was under. This happened several times in the first five minutes but eventually she figured out that I was leading the walk and not her so she stopped pulling. Anytime I would make a "chhh" noise, she would look back up at me. When I slowed down or stopped, so would she and she would look at me waiting for me to guide her. We even walked by 3 houses that each have these obnoxious barking dogs, one of which was a German Sheppard that was throwing his body weight against the fence, very aggressively. She started to charge a bit and pull but I calmly pulled her back and got her attention back and she was fine, I was so proud of her!

I definitely have a lot of work to do still but this morning she was just as good on her walk, woo hoo! She really is a great dog but I want to enjoy our walks and when people come over I want everyone to love her just as much, even if they aren't dog people, which means she needs to listen.

With that in mind, these are Nika's New Year Resolutions (in Nika's voice):
-learn how to walk on a leash without pulling mom or dad (picked that up in 5 minutes!)
-stop jumping on people when I get excited to see them
-wait to be invited in because I am a lady and not a bulldozer
-learn to let go of the tennis ball that I like to play with so mom and dad can throw it to me again and I can keep playing
-learn how to not attack my food like I haven't eaten in a week, but approach it calmly because it isn't going anywhere and also so I can taste my food.

I wasn't going to make any New Years Resolutions but thanks to Nika I now have one. Learn to have more patience and stay calm and assertive. Now I know that in certain situations I have a short fuse and can escalate things. This is not my intention but my emotions get the best of me. This is a weakness of mine that I have known about for quite sometime but I haven't really done much about it except to say, I need to work on that!

Nika can frustrate the hell out of me when she doesn't listen, especially when she is all hyper and excited about walks and I bend over to put her leash on, and she bonks me with her head in the mouth or noise. That really makes me mad because it hurts! My reaction is to yell, "NIKA, NO!!". All that reaction does is get her more out of control because she can feel my stress and anger and feeds off of it. She knows I am not calm and in control so she isn't either.

Even though I told myself to be calm and assertive when I got home yesterday at one point she started pushing her way into the house before I told her she could and I yelled "Nika, No!". It had been 5 freakin minutes and I already effed it up and did exactly the opposite of what I wanted to do. So I regained my composure and the rest of the time, calmly reacted anytime she did anything. It definitely helped Nika from getting as crazy as she can get sometimes but beyond that, it kept me from creeping into a bad mood. It wasn't a big deal and I didn't let the emotion of anger or frustration overcome me. Could this help me in other areas of my life, absolutely.

People and dogs aren't all that different when it comes to feeding off each others energy. If I am in a disagreement with someone at work or in my personal life and I don't react in a calm and assertive manner but make snarky remarks or just sound angry and/or bitter, that escalates things. If I remain calm though, chances are so will they and things will be discusses rationally. I know I have a tendency towards escalation with certain people and situations and I know it isn't helpful yet I still do it when my anger gets the best of me. Working with this with Nika, hopefully I will finally be able to put that weakness to bed.

Nika brings a lot of happiness into my life and now she is even helping me be a better person. Dogs rule. Cats just teach you to be selfish and lazy;)