What I Learned From Watching House of 1000 Corpses

With Halloween quickly approaching I was in the mood to watch a scary movie this weekend so upon Mike's suggestion Netflixed Night of 1000 Corpses, directed by Rob Zombie.
This is definitely more of gore movie with an extra dose of creepy than really scary but overall I enjoyed it and along the way learned the following:

1. Never ever trust a clown, particularly one that looks like this:

It seems self explanatory but you would be suprised how trusting people can be.

2. Never stop at a truck stop in the middle of the night that has a mechanical clown out front waving and laughing.

3. Safety in numbers is a myth when people with bats, knifes, guns and other objects that can cause massive pain and damage are being used by insane people who like to kill.

4. Never pick up a hitchhiker, no matter how sexy they might be...
...cause she'll scalp you alive. For real.

5. If you find yourself in the middle of the night with a flat tire and go to said hitchhikers house to get a tow truck, as soon as you see the dolls with the heads cut off and nailed to the wall just fucking run, nothing good will come of this.

6. If for some reason you are still dumb enough to go in and wait for the tow truck and the even crazier mother asks you to stay for dinner, when the 7 foot tall man walks in with a mask on once again fucking run, nothing good will come of this.

7. If you decide to stay, do not call the hot crazy chick a bitch and a whore and push her to the ground no matter how up in your boyfriends business she is. Seriously it is Dwight from the Office, how jealous can you be? And never piss off the crazy bitch.

8. If you have ignored all advice so far and find yourself trapped in a house of crazy murders and wake up to see your boyfriend is dead and has had his arms and legs chopped off and is being displayed like a fish for your enjoyment chances are you are not going to fare so well either and you should just kill yourself when you get a chance otherwise you run the risk of ending up like this:


9. Finally it bears repeating, never ever trust a clown.

C'mon seriously, what were you thinking??