Something That Really Bothers Me

I frequent several blogs/websites that are read by mostly women that have to do with topics such as fitness and celebrities and I am often appalled by the harsh criticism that women will post about other women. For example, a picture of Jessica Biel was posted along with her workout routine:

Although some of the comments were positive, there were also a lot that sounded like this:
"I don't really think she has a very feminine physique. Fit and toned, yes. But feminine, I'm not so sure."
and this:
"I second that ashleygaidhlig, I don't want her mannish bod either..."
and:
"She looks like a man"

Ok it seems like having muscle and being fit is a problem if you are a woman. If you don't have that much muscle you should be alright then? Not so much. Take this picture of Sarah Jessica Parker (posted on the same blog as the picture of Jessica Biel):

She is much more petite and "feminine", but she is not any more favorably received:
"She does look really gaunt now. She needs a bit more fat on her to look normal again. "
and:
"that's not fit. that's disgusting. too bony and rigid. she needs some softness about her."
and:
"you're right. It does look better to gain a few pounds as you get older so you won't look as wrinkled..."

Maybe a girl with some curves with fair better? Well that cant be right either since Jessica Simpson wore the now famous mom jeans at a concert there was a huge backlash at how "fat" she was:

A few years prior to that she did the Daisy Duke thing and got criticism of being too skinny because her ribs showed:


Bottom line, you can't win with other women when it comes to what your body looks like unless you are in an extremely narrow category. She is skinny BUT she has cellulite or small boobs or she is way too fat because she is a size 10. There always seems to be something to criticize and it baffles me that as women who know how mentally detrimental being criticized is, happily engage in doing so to other women. I think some women may believe that the women they are criticizing are celebrities which means it comes with the territory and/or they won't read it anyway so what does it matter? Well the "regular" women read these nasty comments and are affected by it as well. If someone reads a post about Jessica Simpson being fat and they are the same size or larger, how do you think that makes them feel? It starts to get engrained in us that what is attractive is so narrow that we will never achieve it so we feel bad about ourselves.

When we criticize we fail to recognize that there are a multitude of different body types and sizes and we can't all look the same. This is a good thing but to put someone down because they have more muscle or they carry their weight around their waist or whatever, is asinine. And to somehow justify the criticism as it just being their opinion is also ridiculous. If you don't find a thin body type or a big boned body type attractive that’s fine, we all find different things attractive but why the compulsion to make sure everyone knows that you think someone looks haggard or like a man?

It is hard enough to be a woman without having to take insults from other women. We all know what it is like to feel badly about ourselves, no one us immune from that, and personally I wouldn't want anyone to feel the way that I sometimes do when I think something about my body is hideous. And adding insult to injury if you do feel bad about something about yourself that others perceive as insignificant means you are ridiculous and crazy, which makes you feel even worse.

My wish is that the next time you feel compelled to make a remark to anyone about another woman's body to stop and think of how she would feel if she heard you or how you would feel if someone would say something like that about you. The majority of women struggle with self esteem at some point in their lives and think of how the world would be different if women spent less time feeling bad about their thighs and more time feeling good about themselves.