I can be such a moron sometimes. A couple of days ago my mom asked me how Eharmony was going...uh yeah it isn't going and I didn't even get matched up with 1 person I was remotely interested in. Most of the time I try to not think about the fact that I haven't been on a date in ages and there are no prospects in sight but then questions like this arise and I am reminded of it. So for the past few days I have been a little mopey but otherwise just fine, it is what it is.
With this fresh on my mind I was at a weak and vulnerable state so when some guy approached me at the gym and asked me out completely out of the blue-I had never even had a conversation with him and I might have seen him a couple of times before-I choked. He took me aside on my way to the drinking fountain and just started talking about how I worked out and that I was attractive, blah blah blah-I couldnt get a word in if I could come up with one in the first place. He then goes "You must have a man, right" and stupid fucking dumbass me says no. Bah! As soon as it started coming out of my mouth I wanted desperately to shove it back in but I already blew it. Then he proceeded to asked to take me to dinner. Again I am so caught off guard that I am struggling to come up with something to say and there are several people around watching and listening and I don't really want to go out with this guy because I am not attracted to him (he wasn't unattractive, short stocky black guys just arent my type)and he smells faintly of corndogs but in the back of my mind I can hear my mom telling me I don't give guys a chance and this is all happening so fast that I end up telling him to call me and we will see.
In my mind I was just giving myself more time to come up with a good reason not to go out with him that wont hurt his feelings because really, if someone turns you down immediately it is basically saying I am not attracted to you which sucks. It is hard to approach people like that and just ask them out and I appreciate his bravery so I don't want to be a bitch or anything.
Well he texted me last night and he asked when would be a good time for him to call me. Not wanting to lead him on I texted back that I had just gotten out of a relationship that ended badly and I was thinking about it and right now I really just need to be alone and not date anyone right now. That is a decent lie, right? It doesn't insult him and since I will no doubt seeing him again I couldn't say I was moving or something like that. He texted me back that he understood but thought we could still hang out and besides he could use the company. Ok so he doesn't quite get it, however I figured if when I did see him I wasn't overly friendly it would eventually take care of itself. I ended the conversation by saying thanks for understanding and good night, thinking that was that I went to bed.
At 7:30 AM this morning I get a text, from him (btw his name is Alfonso)saying he doesnt want to bother me but wanted to say good morning and he was there if I needed to talk or get a guys perspective and to have a blessed day. Ok so this one is not going to go away quietly, damn it. It also sucks that the one place that makes me the happiest and go to get away from everything will now be somewhat tainted by this guy. I will just have to be super direct with him like he was with me and tell him that I am not interested in any relationship right now and I need my space.
I am not really concerned but I need to come up with a go to line to let guys down when guys I am not interested ask me out, especially since any guy who asks me out I am inevitably not interested in and guys I am interested in don't seem to know I exist. I am so freakin retarded (and I didn't want to use that term but I assure you in this situation it is the most appropriate word)when it comes to this stuff. When does the man of my dreams come riding in on his damn white horse anyway? Oh yeah, that only happens in the bullshit fairly tales. Hmmph.
I am the queen of dating dry spells. It really sucks, but I think it makes you appreciate your individuality and independence and self-sufficiency and time alone a lot more. And knowing that you are happier alone than dating someone like Alfonso (I would just start ignoring him, but I can be bitchy when I feel invaded like that)is such a step in the right direction, don't you think? (and hahahah on the corndog aroma!) I think there are limits to giving people a chance.
ReplyDeleteAlso, when my friend Tommy breaks up with his girlfriend, I'll hook you two up. He's a runner, and is one of the best people I know.
Carrie I think we are a lot alike (hopefully this isn't offensive to you!). Dating dry spells indeed seem to plague me but I do appreciate that because of them I do not feel I need a man and can be independent and confidently self sufficient. And I am also a bit bitchy when I feel my space is invaded, I don't like pushiness at all and will have little problem letting people know that. Of course then I will feel bad about it but by that time it will be over and done with anyway.
ReplyDeleteAnd Tommy the runner sounds good, thanks for thinking of me:)
And for every guy that's hitting on you at the gym, there's probably some girl he's ignoring who really likes him. So, I don't really feel bad for them long either!
ReplyDeleteAnd you being like me doesn't offend me at all - quite the contrary! I just wish I was also similar in that I liked working out as much as you do. :-)
Okay so while I was reading your post a few thoughts came to mind. 1) don't feel bad for not giving the random guy who comes up to you in the gym a chance. Chances are that if he had the balls to talk to ask you out within five minutes of meeting you then he has asked out other girls before. I doubt he would take a brush off too hard because it's happened before. The only time I think you should give a guy a chance that isn't initially your type is when it's someone that a) you don't know b) they haven't
ReplyDeleteasked you out yet.
2) you always need a go to line to keep in your back pocket when someone asks you out. It could be the one you gave or even "thanks but I'm seeing someone right now."
3) never give a guy your not interested in your number or at least not your cell number.
4) Last thing my radar goes off totally when a guy tells you to have a "blessed day". I don't know why but it's always weird when you ask someone how they are and you say "I'm blessed"
Good Luck but seriously you have to be cruel to be kind because most of the time if you leave an opening the guy will still proceed with hope.
You ladies are right, I shouldn't feel bad. He was super agressive so I am sure he must do this kind of thing all of the time.
ReplyDeleteMonti I will use the "I am seeing someone" line in most cases, however that has come back to bite me in the ass before so I am cautious in using it. However in this situation I absolutely should have, I was just so caught off guard I put my foot in my mouth. I have used that line before though and after the fact found out that that particular person told someone I was actually interested that I was seeing someone so he didn't persue me. That is my luck!
Wait, in the example that you just gave, was the guy asking you out doing it for the other friend you were actually interested in? If so, you don't want to date a guy who's friend was middleman.
ReplyDeleteIf not, that's a total bummer.
No, he was just an aquaintence of the guy who asked me out. I guess the guy I was interested in mentioned something about me and guy who asked me out told him not to bother being interested because I was seeing someone. doh.
ReplyDelete"he smells faintly of corndogs"
ReplyDeletethat's hilarious.
but in all seriousness, i would agree with pretty much everyone else about not feeling bad about rejecting people you're not interested in. or, at least don't feel bad about saying no and being willing to get to know someone on your own terms.
what i don't understand is why ladies, or gents for that matter, give out their phone numbers to people. i remember a while back that abigail had given her number to some guy, he kept calling and texting her and she was doing her best to dodge his calls/texts. anyway, one night we had corin answer the phone and tell the guy to stop calling his woman. i think it worked. but, if she hadn't given some stranger her number...
not that i'm trying to say it's your fault, just curious why people do that.
I thought I had addressed why in my post, I was buying time so I didn't have to immediately reject him in front of all of his friends and could let him down more easily later.
ReplyDeleteI don't really think it is a big deal if someone has my number. If I don't want to talk to him I dont respond to texts or phone calls. If said person continues to call then I ask him to stop and block his number, end of story. It isnt like I gave him my home address!