The article starts by discussing how one of the first questions we ask people in order to get to know them is "what music do you like?". We ask this question because we are trying to glean some insight on the type of person they are:
But here's the problem: This premise is founded on the belief that the person you're talking with consciously knows why he appreciates those specific things or harbors those specific feelings. It's also predicated on the principle that you know why you like certain sounds or certain images, because that self-awareness is how we establish the internal relationship between a) what someone loves and b) who someone is
I started thinking about how I answer that question. Usually I think I probably give some generic answer like, "oh I listen to just about everything but mostly rock music and not a lot of country but it depends on what I am doing". Does that mean I fundamantally reject country music because of what it stands for? I have to admit it country music conjures up images of good ol' folks from the bible belt who believe quite heavily in god and rely on old fashioned values (things I do not relate to). So is it the music I don't like or the message or both? Why do I prefer rock and hop/hop?
Well I know that the majority of time that I am listening to music is when I am driving or working out. On average I spend more time working out than I spend driving so most of my music is high tempo, or really rocks or is fast and hard. This type of music helps me stay motivated and fires me up so I can pretend for the 4 minutes the song is on that I am a bad ass. If people were to look on my playlist they may get a different impression of me than is entirely accurate.
This is an interesting topic in itself but that got me to thinking, what is the best question to ask someone if you are trying to get to know them? If music isn't reliable and politics and religion are not on option because most people are uncomfortable talking about that with someone they dont know, it leads me to "what do you like to do"? I hate this question though, it is so vague and unfocused and I always feel like people dont really answer this honestly unless there is something they are really passionate about. How many guys (or girls) have answered that question by saying "I like to watch porn and masterbate"?
The article was funny and I think he ended it perfectly by stating:
So here is my advice: The next time you have to talk to a stranger against your will, don't ask, "What kind of music do you like?" Instead, ask him, "What kind of music do you think you like?" This question may confuse him, and—depending on how you ask it—he may end up striking you. But at least the answer will be true. And as an added bonus, you'll probably get invited to fewer parties.
2 comments:
I prefer pointed questions myself, but I seem to be outside the norm.
And there's always the follow-up question. "What kind of music do you like?" "Why do you like that kind of music?" Their answer to the second question is the revealing one.
If someone can reason out a response to why they like a particular kind of music, then I can learn things about them. If they say something like, "I just do," then it means they probably prefer to enjoy their music on a visceral level but haven't figured out or thought about why their music makes them feel the way it does. That's when the interrogation begins. =)
"rely on old fashioned values"
you know, like getting drunk, fightin', trucks, trains. just kidding.
as for music question, i like to ask them the more specific, "who's your favorite." i don't know if it tells any more about the person, but it at least gets a little more singular answer that may be able to expand into a few bands and then genre talk.
but, in thinking about asking questions to get to know people, i think it would be hard to pick just one question that's going to work for everything.
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