This year I have 5 weddings to go to. Yes love is in the air and it is sucking all of the money out of my wallet. Now I am excited and feel honored to be a part of these celebrations, but one wedding in particular is starting to become a thorn in my side and a drain to my bank account and I am not sure how to address or deal with this. Here is the scenario:
I am a bridesmaid in this wedding and have been good friends with this person for years. She really is a good friend and I love her dearly. She however has a much different approach to money than I do which hasnt been a problem until now. Being a bridesmaid I obviously had to buy a dress. This was relatively inexpensive at 150 dollars and with shoes the total comes out to a little over 215 dollars (incidently none of this I will ever even think about wearing again, ever). Then we are getting our hair and make up done, which is around 100 dollars. On top of that the hotel we are staying in is going to cost a total of 175 for 2 nights for my share of the room (not bad actually because it is a very nice hotel). I am not calculating the food while we are there or the gas to get there but you can assume that will total to over a hundred dollars all together.
I am throwing and hosting a weekend bachelorette party for her at my cabin and as of right now I am not sure how much this will cost. I wont provide all of the meals but I will provide the booze and decorations and games and prizes and melissa wont pay anything the whole weekend. Thats probably another 200 bucks easily including whatever gift I get her. They are also having an engagement party and I found out that she is expecting to receive gifts. Oh and then there is the wedding where she is also expecting gifts. Adding this all up, I am estimating that it could cost me $1,000 which is a lot of money to me.
This brings me to the spending money differently part. She has always been a spender and is ok with going into debt to have the lifestyle she wants because she is now a pharmacist and can start paying everything off.
There is really nothing I can do about most of those expenses but suck it up, but it is the multiple gift thing that is bothering me. That and I was also told that I couldnt bring a date unless it was someone that I was somewhat serious with because she doesnt want to pay for an extra plate for someone that is just there for fun. I can understand this to a point (I dont have anyone I would want to bring anyway but thats not the point!), but not when she is going all out on this wedding and isnt on much of a budget (they hired a filmaker to make a video spoof thing that they are going to play at the wedding).
All in all this frustrates me because I cant talk to her about it because I am afraid she will get defensive and upset with me. I brought up an issue with the dress (very nicely too I might add) previously and she was not happy about it (a dress by the way that Kendall found an exact replica of at Goodwill for 15 dollars).
I cant think of a way to ask if I am expected to bring a gift to all of these events or if it is even my place to. She is a very good friend and I dont want to upset her or annoy her with my complaining but for the love, thats a lot of money and I am not rolling in the dough over here.
Rock me hard place *sigh*
Incidently, I think the stomach problems have to do with stress, I think I may be giving myself an ulcer.
ReplyDeleteThere is one underlying problem but job dissatisfaction, the cognitive dissonance between my two lifestyles I am attempting to stupidly live simultaneously, potential financial issues in the future, yada, yada I have more stress than maybe I realize.
Been there...so many times. Try to find ways to cut the corners as possible. For the bridal shower,go to Ross or marshall's they have really cute PJ/panties/bras/etc for not a lot of money. As for the engagement and wedding gift. Try to find gifts that you can find that are cheap and tie together with a card. like a bowl and spatula for he first gift, then tie it ogether with something in the card that is funny or a poem or something, then he next gift could be cookie cutters and a cooling rack...all and allyou wouldn't be paying that much. I hope that makes sense. As for the party, get mixers and cheap alcohol or box wine. it's not fancy but everyone likes it and later on they wouldn't tell. If melissa makes a deal about it, then you make a joke about how classy you are and leave it at that.
ReplyDeleteit is an honor to be involved in something so great, but when you feel burdened about it, it's no fun. I hope it doesn't cost you too much and that, it will all be worth it.
Those are some good ideas Becky, I will just have to be creative.
ReplyDeleteI feel guilty about whining about this because she truly is a terrific friend and this is a very important day that I am extremely honored to be a part of and I know we will have a great time, even if it is an expensive time.
By the way, I think I will be coming out for your wedding on Wednesday with everyone else because I really want to go white water rafting.
Um, I dont have to bring a present to go rafting do I? ;)
no, no present required.
ReplyDeleteit's a tough place to be because you love her so much and it is an honor to be a part of it. But sometimes what is wanted is out of reach for the wallet. One year I was in three weddings, June, Sept, and December. It was really tough on a college budget. But you are right, it was all worth it and I wouldn't give my experience up for anything.
I do hope you can make it out. I get more and more excited for the parties and things to do with you all...and of course getting married =)
i don't know if you have to bring a gift to each shower or event. especially if you're throwing the shower.
ReplyDelete