Frustrated But Optimistic

I am going throughg a bit of a running rut lately and I hate it. I blogged about my Sunday running disaster (I still have ugly sores on my armpit from the chaffing) but even yesterdays easy run was problematic. I am completely done with running 4 days a week on a treadmill, or as I like to call it the dreadmill.

Mentally it is really difficult because I cant let my mind do what it normally does when I run outside. Outside I day dream and think about things and people and I can almost get so distracted by whats going on in my head that I dont even realize I am running. When this happens I get to a very natural pace and running is easy and feels good. On the dreadmill I just cant seem to get myself to that mental state. If there are sports on the tv I usually do ok and can zone out similarly, but if like yesterday there is a call in show about personal finances where all I see is some woman nodding to whoever she is talking to on the phone I want to throw something at the tv. Since I cant really look at the tv I look around the weight room, which gets old very quickly. Time creeps by and I just want it to be over as opposed to enjoying myself like I do outside during most runs.

I was also in an exceedingly bad mood yesterday which I hope was pms because the sympotms of pms and anemia can be similar in some respects. I have felt a little run down and I get unreasonably angry at people, which are sympotms of both pms and anemia. I dont outwardly show my anger with most people, I know when I get like that that I am being completely unreasonable but I just cant help the feeling of anger so I try to stay away from people. Anyway, that was not helping the run. Today I have to do 7 miles so I will be on the treadmill for about an hour. I think I am going to run upstairs as opposed to the weight room in hopes that a simple change of scenery will be helpful.

I got my new issue of Runners World last night and there was one article that really got me thinking. A man in his 40s who ran in college, was a recreational runner until he was in a motorcycle accident and mangeled his leg to the extent that he was completely imobile for months and had a considerable limp and regular pain. He lived with this pain for years but still managed to run a bit, married a runner and had 2 kids. Eventually, the pain increased to where running was impossible and walking wasnt comfortable. So, he decided to have his leg amputed above the knee.

As much as I understand wanting to be more mobile and not living in pain, it takes a lot of strength to make that decision to willingly have your leg amputated. Not to mention having to go through all the physical therapy and pain of having your leg amputated. Personally I would want to be able to stay as active as possible as well but dont know if I could be brave ebough to do it.

The article went on that it was a lot more difficult than he expected it to be. Learning how to walk again, dealing with phantom pain and mentally dealing with permanant disfigurement was incredibly hard, as one would imagine. I was impressed with his attitude though and he kept going until he eventually began running races again. It wasn't easy but his quality of life has greatly improved and he can do anything any able bodied person can.

He also grew a friendship with Amy Palmiero, an amputee who lost her leg in a motorcycle accident as well. She went on to set the world record for male or female amputees in a marathon, posting a 3:04 which is not only fast but faster than when she had both legs.

People like that make me proud to be human. They make me want suck it up and work harder. They make me believe that the only limitations that we have, we put on ourselves. And they make me feel ashamed for complaining about things like having a sore hip. Hell I am fortunate to be able bodied and I take that for granted far too often. When I am feeling like I want to quit I tell msyelf this: you are lucky you can do this and you arent always able going to be able to so keep going for everyone who wants to but cant. It is a good thing to be reminded of when you are at mile 20.

Oh and in other news, my sister is going to start training for a half marathon in February. I am so happy because I have been trying to get her to run for years! Her husband runs so he has also encouraged it and now it looks like she is ready. I know she will do well and I cant wait to see the pride on her face when she finishes.

UPDATE: Kicked ass on my run yesterday. What a difference a day and a better attitude makes. I was exercising for over 2 hours though so I was really tired and slept hard last night, which is why I didnt go out.